Daily Affirmations

I truly wish I could give credit where it’s admirably due for the following work, which came to me in a vision one day.

(Okay, the vision was a forwarded email from some acquaintance, but you get the picture…)

1. I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.
2. I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else’s fault.
3. I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.
4. In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.
5. Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.
6. My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.
7. I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.
8. I honor and cultivate my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.
9. Joan of Arc heard voices too.
10. I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self- righteous people around me.
11. I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.
12. When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.
13. All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.
14. I am at one with my duality.
15. Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
16. I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of federal, state, and local laws.
17. A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.
18. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
19. Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step — blaming my parents.
20. I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.
21. Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."